Parents and Sports   

Parents’ voices, coming from the stands, have a major impact on the players’ concentration on the game.

Kids are raised to listen to everything their parents say.  The same goes for their coach.  A player will hear anything one of those three distinct voices says.  Even if the words are not directed to them, they will listen.  When a player hears one of those voices, she CANNOT ignore it.  It will create a distraction and break their concentration just when they need it the most.  They simply cannot tune out those voices particularly at a younger age.

As our season neared the end, my daughter talked to her mom about how much she loved the game and always tried hard but her dad was always yelling at her and she wasn’t sure she wanted to play anymore. My first reaction was one of dismay and disbelief.  I had always taken a great deal of pride at not being a “yelling” coach and could not understand why she felt that way. After we talked about the responsibility of being a coach and what we need to do, it suddenly occurred to my wife what was going on. Whenever she heard my voice, regardless to whom I was talking, my daughter thought I was only talking to her.

When coaching younger players, it is not uncommon to have to call out to the field, (to no one in particular) things such as “Ok girls, let’s focus on the batter” or “Come on girls, let’s pay attention and play ball”.  Whenever my daughter heard my voice whether I was talking to her or not she assumed I was yelling at her simply because it came from me and I was loud enough to be heard across the field.  We asked her about the other coaches and if she thought they yelled at her.  Even though the other coaches are as active as I am, she didn’t think they ever yelled or said anything.  She was so focused on the game, she never even heard the other coaches because it wasn’t her dad’s voice.

She had become very unhappy because no matter how hard she tried or how closely she paid attention, it seemed to her that I was never happy and I was always yelling at her. Just because she heard my voice.

I was lucky.  She loved me and the sport enough to want to talk about it rather than simply becoming discouraged and finally quitting.  Fortunately, we were able to talk it over and get things worked out.  She even gave me some ideas on what kids want to hear and what motivates them.

That incident drove home the importance of understanding how a child thinks and how important it is to remember that they are there because they are having fun and because they want to please you.

One of the first steps parents must take to support the team is to eliminate their egos.  It is tough for some parents to realize that they are not the ones playing.  Parents need to remember these five points:

1.       There are two kinds of people at any sporting event, players and fans. Coaches, referees and/or umpires fall into the player’s category.

2.   A PLAYER is an active participant in the game. They either play a position in,

      coach or call the game.

3.       A FAN is a non-participating observer.  They neither play, coach nor call the game.  Their only purpose is to cheer on their favorite team and players.

4.       A PARENT is a FAN, unless they happen to be one of the coaches on the field.

5.       Any attempt by a FAN to become a PLAYER is not acceptable.

Your child stepping into the batters box hears a yell from their parent “follow the ball all the way to the bat!”.  They were all psyched up to bat and now they are looking at you wondering if you think they are stupid because you have yelled it out fifty times before.  It breaks their concentration. 

What just happened?  One of those three voices they can’t ignore just gave them coaching instructions.  They changed from being a fan to being a player and broke their concentration.  Instead of being able to focus on being the best player they can be, they have to stop and regain their composure and concentration.  They expect reminders from the coach.  They expect cheers of support from you.

It is almost impossible for a parent to not yell out these kinds of things during their kid’s game.  If the coaches have done their job well, the kids know what they are supposed to do.  They also know when they don’t do it quite right.  The last thing they want to hear is their parent publicly pointing out an error.  It is quite embarrassing.

One last thing some parents haven’t figured out.  If you ever make the mistake of yelling constructive criticism to another parents kid, don’t be surprised if that other kids parents starts yelling some constructive criticism right back at you.  Remember, your voice is not one of the voices that other kid is tuned into anyway.  Let that other kids parent make his own mistakes.  Rest assured, whatever you yelled at the other kid WAS heard by YOUR kid also.

Fans and players always welcome supportive cheers in general, directed to the entire team, alike.  A comment to a player that has just done something good is also welcomed by all.  While the kids are on the field, PLEASE LEAVE THE COACHING TO THE COACHES.  It is the only coaching your kids want to hear.

This isn’t meant to be a lecture and until the last couple of years, I could have been found guilty of any number of offenses.  However, after observing how being a true fan really helps a team have fun, builds individual confidence and self-esteem, I am convinced parents have a greater impact on sports than coaches.